Euonym
by Pennatus
Summary: Doku x Kou. Their meeting was pure chance...and yet, his singing drew him near. Will their secrets tear them apart? Yaoi.
1. Chapter 1

Wow! I actually finished something! :happy: Well, this is actually the first Doku x Kou fanfic with chapters! Yay! I really like this story, and I promise it will get better! Forgive me if some of the characters seem OOC. And while the general story has similarities to the plot of Saiyuki, some things are quite different.

Note: This story is rated T for violence, sexual references, alcohol, and future mentions of abuse and rape.

Please, read and review! Both flames and compliments accepted with good grace!

euonym: a pleasing or beautiful name

Disclaimer: I do not own Saiyuki, or Kougaiji. (damn…)

--

Kougaiji slammed his fist onto his desk, seething with rage. How _dare_ she? She had no right to order him around like that! In certain aspects of his work, maybe, but his life outside this hell hole? No way. Never. He would never allow himself to be controlled by her.

Sinking sullenly into his huge office chair (an unnecessary flourish, he thought, to the already over clichéd room), Kougaiji let lavender eyes close, blending into the shadows. His office was cloaked with them, the setting sun's blood red glow too gentle to pierce the cloud of gloom hanging contentedly around him. He was so tired. Tired of this whole situation. Now only one thing bound him to this company – his mother, and he knew, with a certainly that had once been shocking but now was his only certainly, without question, he could never leave her. And so he was stuck.

His mother had never told him of the cancer inside her body, ignoring the doctor's warnings and her own deteriorating condition. Eventually, however, it had come to be too much, even for her. Rushing her to the hospital, Kougaiji had been informed of the cancer and that she was currently in critical condition. The doctor had shook his head helplessly. There was nothing he could do but keep her alive for a few more precious days, and after that…she would die. There was nothing to be done about it. They couldn't operate because the tumor was already attached to vital organs. All the drugs they had that might've worked they'd already tried. It was too late to start her on radiation. They could do nothing.

Nothing.

Kougaiji had stood there, too stunned to think or even move. He wanted to seize the doctor and shake him vigorously, tell him that they should never give up hope. But, somehow, he couldn't. He could only stare as the doctor gave him a look filled with pity and sauntered away. Damn him. He didn't want anyone's sympathy. He wanted an answer, a solution, a way to climb this insurmountable obstacle looming so mockingly in front of him. He _needed_ a way.

That was when _she _approached him.

Gyokumen Koushu.

--

Yaone gently pushed the door open. Upon seeing her red haired superior, she let out a sigh. He was in one of his 'moods' again, when he would get quiet and moody and re-erect walls that Yaone was working so patiently to pull down. She was never sure what would set him off, but she guessed it had something to do with the meeting with the company's president, Gyokumen Koushu, that he had just returned from.

Yaone didn't really understand the relationship between the two. The president seemed to have some sort of hold over Kougaiji-sama, which appeared to hate but put up with nonetheless. _Why _was a question she wanted to ask him, but she couldn't bring herself to do so. She was, a little, afraid of the answer, and afraid of ever forcing Kougaiji to tell her, something he did not want to. So she would wait, forever, if need be, for Kougaiji-sama to finally open up to her and trust her with the secret he was so obviously harboring.

"Kougaiji-sama?" she called softly.

Lavender eyes glistened threatening in the dark lighting.

"Oh. It's you, Yaone." His eyes lost their heated look. Yaone shivered slightly. She knew that Kougaiji-sama, kind as he normally acted to her, had a darker side to him, sitting in the most forgotten corner of his soul. Rarely had she ever seen it, and if she was honest, she had never wanted to see.

"What is it?" he asked.

"Ah…phone call for you."

"All right. Thank you." Kougaiji picked up the phone as Yaone left, closing the door behind her. "Yes?"

"Kou?!?" came the practically screamed answer.

Wincing, Kougaiji pulled the phone away from his ear slightly. In the background he heard the overwhelmingly loud noise of a guitar. "Goku?"

"Yeah! Hey, I – "There was a pause, and then Goku's voice came from farther away. "Damn it, Gojyo, I'm on the phone! Practice your stupid guitar somewhere else!"

"I'll practice it wherever I damn well please!"

"Not if I have a say in it, you stupid cockroach!" The guitar abruptly stopped and the sounds of a scuffle soon started. He heard the phone clatter to the ground, and wondered absently if he should hang up.

But a moment later another voice came across the phone. "Hello, Kougaiji. How are you?"

"Fine, thank you." Hakkai was there, then.

"We tried to call your cell phone…"

"Oh. Yeah, I turned it off." Just in case that woman tried to call him. "Why'd you call?"

"Goku was wondering if you'd like to attend our performance tonight. You heard that we have a new singer, correct?"

He had. Goku, apparently, could think of nothing better to do then rant to Kougaiji about his band, Epsilon. So, for better or for worse, he knew each new piece of information about the band. He'd gone to listen to them once or twice and thought it was alright, but nothing to make a big deal about. Maybe this new singer would make a difference?

"Hm…" He didn't particularly want to go out tonight, but then again, it felt like he never wanted to go out. Still…

"Why not? The usual, I suppose?"

"Yes, we –" There was a crash and an "oh, dear" form Hakkai. "I apologize, Kougaiji. We seem to be having a slight crisis. I'll see you at seven."

"Yeah. See you." Click.

Kougaiji set the phone back on its cradle and leaned back. Tonight promised to be interesting.


	2. Chapter 2

Soooooo…I might've lied a bit **XD** I'm rating this story M because of a future lemon. What can I say? I was horny…

Now that I look back I don't really like this chapter…:sigh: Although the conversation between Kougaiji and Sanzo is my favorite dialogue I've written so far, I think. The lyrics are from yours truly, so please forgive their suckiness!

In this chapter, Kougaiji gets high from – singing?!? What the heck…?

Comments and reviews welcomed and loved!!!

--

Kougaiji forced his way through the growing crowd. The smell of smoke and stale sweat hung upon the air, and alcohol flowed freely among the patrons. He felt like a drink himself. Maybe later.

Letting out a growl when a particularly stubborn person refused to move, he finally made his way to the backstage door. Wrenching it open, he strode in and slammed it shut behind him. Hushi, nicknamed 'the man behind the door' and was paid to politely stop anyone who wanted to disturb the band, nodded his shaved head to him. "Rough crowd out there, huh? I've had to stop a few myself."

"Yeah." Stepping past him, Kougaiji rounded the corner and was greeted by a familiar scene.

"Give it _back_!"

"Ha! Make me, you stupid monkey!"

Goku lunged at Gojyo, reaching in vain for a drum stick (no, not the food) held high above the other man's head. Hakkai stood off to one side, smiling. How he managed to constantly do that with this pack of fools Kougaiji would never know.

Sanzo was there as well, leaning against a wall with a cigarette poised between his lips.

"Sanzo."

"Kougaiji."

And then he saw _him._

For some reason, some unfathomable reason, Kougaiji would think about the first time he saw the other man many times in the next few days. Their eyes met in a clash of gold and lavender. The other man raised an eyebrow and smirked. He wore a tight black tank top and low, deep green baggy cargo pants. Striding over to Kougaiji, he grinned and stuck out a tan hand. "My name's Dokugakuji. I'm the band's new singer."

Kougaiji felt his hand enveloped by the other's. "I'm Kougaiji." He considered the fact that if he was gay he would be strangely attracted to this man. But he wasn't, he was quick to add to that train of thought. Gay. Or attracted. Definitely not.

Damn it.

" – very long?"

"What?"

Dokugakuji grinned. "I said, have you known the other members for very long?"

"Oh…yeah, for quite a few years now." Had it really been that long? Where had his life gone? Where did he want his life to go? He hadn't thought about this question recently. He had always assumed he would live the rest of his life under Gyokumen Koushu's spiteful wrath, searching for ways to cure his mother. But what about a future? A family? A life after this?

"Kou! HEY!"

Blinking, Kougaiji grabbed Goku's wrist, which was being waved annoyingly in his face. "Man, Kou, you totally zoned out there! C'mon, we're about to start."

"Ah, ok." Heading back to the door, he inclined his head to Hushi and forced his way back into the crowd. He knew quite a few people in the mass; he'd seen them at previous shows and occasionally when he stopped by here to get drunk. He made his careful way through the crowd, smiling and nodding at those he knew in response to their greetings, and found a spot a little ways back from the stage, noting Sanzo standing off to his left a bit (still smoking).

Dokugakuji made his way onto the stage, tipping the mike stand close to him. "Hey, everyone. Your faithful band, Epsilon, sure to rock your night! Let's get started!"

The drums crashed behind him as Goku began to outline a beat, followed closely by Gojyo and Hakkai on the bass (Hakkai would so play bass, don't lie to yourself!).

Kougaij's finger found itself unwillingly tapping to the catchy beat. He didn't recognize the song. Had Dokugakuji written it?

Then the blue haired man himself opened his mouth and began to sing sensually.

_What a mess I've made, my love_

_You take me in your arms_

_You tell me it's all right_

_But I can see the secrets in your eyes_

Kougaiji found it hard to breathe, and he suspected it was more then the jostling crowd. God, he had a nice voice. Better then nice. Beautiful.

_What a mess I've made, my love_

_The world comes crashing in_

_My mind is giving in_

_And yet, I start to lose you_

His chest felt hot and tight as he stared openly at Dokugakuji, still singing. Should he be feeling this? What _was_ this? Did it really matter anymore…?

_What a mess I've made, my love_

_This castle of lies is crashing down_

_This glass wall falls to the ground_

_Still, I feel safe in your arms_

_There's no cause for alarm_

It was sort of like getting drunk without the imminent hangover. Kougaiji noted his body swaying to the beat and his thoughts begin to lose coherency. He had no idea music could do this to him.

Onstage, Goku eased up on the drums a little, and Dokugakuji pulled the mike close once again.

_A web you've weaved_

_So complex_

_Around me_

_You disrespect_

_The fact that I _

_Knew it all along_

_I knew it all along_

_Crash._ The music consumed all of his senses, made him feel like his body was on fire and his thoughts were unimportant. But was it the music or…that voice?

_What a mess I've made, my love_

_This castle of lies is crashing down_

_This glass wall falls to the ground_

_Still, I feel safe in your arms_

_But there may be some cause for alarm_

_What a mess I've made, my love_

_This castle of lies is crashing down_

_This glass wall falls to the ground_

_Still, I feel safe in your arms_

_I think there's cause for alarm_

_(softer)_

_What a mess you've made, my love_

_Shattered pieces on the floor_

_Lies scrawled upon the door_

_And I'm not coming back anymore_

The end of the music was equivalent to a slap across the face, bringing Kougaiji back to Earth. He stood there, panting slightly, as cheers erupted around him. It wasn't that it hadn't been pleasant. It had been. Greatly. It was the fact that he had no control, that he craved more of it even now, that confused him. When someone said "music touched my soul" is that what they meant?

"Did you hear that?" one generic girl next to him whispered to another generic girl. "That was amazing. Their new singer's got a wonderful voice."

"Yeah," the other girl whispered back. "He's pretty cute, too." And they shared a giggle.

Kougaiji turned toward the bar. Definitely time for a drink.

The red-haired man lost himself in a blur of alcohol and music. By the time Epsilon's last song was finished, his mind was fizzing with the overload on his senses and the large amount of alcohol he had consumed. He was finding it slightly hard to focus, although this didn't overly concern him. Sanzo wandered over and sat next to him, obviously waiting for the other four to finish packing up and join him. The blond man had exchanged his cigarette for a cup filled with…something. Probably had alcohol in it, whatever it was.

He smirked. "I've never seen you drunk before, Kougaiji."

Lavender eyes glared. "I'm not drunk."

"Heh. Right. Whatever you say."

"Shut up, Sanzo."

"Ah, getting defensive, first sign of guilt."

"Go die."

"Pass. So, what do you think of our singer?"

Kougaiji buried his face in his arms folded on the bar so Sanzo couldn't see his face and the expression on it. "He's pretty good. I liked it."

"It?"

"His singing, I mean."

"Just his singing? You sure? Because I saw you staring at him with that fan girl look slathered on your face." Sanzo took a sip of his drink, his face expressionless. Or was that a smirk twitching at the edge of his lips? "The one where, as Gojyo so aptly puts it, you want to jump up on stage, rip his pants off, and – "

"Hey, guys!" Kougaiji looked up in time to see Goku rush into the scene and run smack into Sanzo. The drink he held was knocked out of his hand and sprayed everywhere.

"God dammit!" spluttered Sanzo, leaping up. Kougaiji wondered how he had been going to finish that sentence. There were quite a number of things you could do to someone once their pants were off. And a number of things you could do with their pants still on, too.

Kougaiji's eye twitched as mental picture after picture paraded past his mind's eye. It was jus the alcohol talking, that's all.

"You stupid monkey!" raged Sanzo. "You got it all over me!"

"I'm sorry, Sanzo!" cried Goku. Suddenly he brightened up. "I know!" He leaned forward and ran his tongue from Sanzo's collarbone up his neck and pulled away just before he reached the other man's lips.

A long silence fell between the six of them followed.

"W-what the fuck?!?" yelled Sanzo, pushing Goku away from him. Gojyo dissolved into shaking fits of laughter and Dokugakuji coughed delicately into his hand. Hakkai smiled.

Goku pouted. "What? I was just trying to help."

Gojyo slapped Goku on the back, letting out an explosive sigh of amusment. "Good times, good times."

Dokugakuji strode over and settled gracefully into the seat next to Kougaiji (which was miraculously empty) as Sanzo mopped up the mess with paper towels produced from somewhere (he _is _Sanzo, after all). He grinned over at Kougaiji. "Buy me a drink?"

"Huh? Oh, sure." Hailing the bartender, Kougaiji gave the drink to Dokugakuji and picked up his own.

"So? Am I any good?"

"Uh…" God, all he could think about was the way that voice snuck under his defenses to twang a cord somewhere inside his soul. "Yeah. You'll do." The understatement of his life.

"Heh, thanks, I think. Did you like the music?"

"Yeah, it was great. Hey, uh…did you write that first song?"

Dokugakuji laughed, looking a little embarrassed. "I did. It was just something I made up in my spare time, but when Goku heard me singing it he insisted we play it. Why? You like it?"

"I do…it was my favorite."

"Really?" Was he blushing? God, he was adorable. "Heh, thanks. That really means a lot to me. My parents…didn't really approve of me having a career in singing. But I've wanted to do it forever, so I tried not to listen to what they said. Sometimes, though, their words really hurt and I honestly considered giving up at times. I'm glad I didn't. Singing up there and knowing someone liked it…" He trailed off and laughed sheepishly. "Man, that sounded cliché. Sorry."

"No, it's all right. I get what you mean."

"What about me?" demanded Goku, shoving his way in between the two. "I was awesome too, right?" Then, continuing without getting an answer, "Yeah, I'm pretty I was."

"You wish, monkey," interjected Gojyo promptly. "Those ladies had their eyes all over me."

"Yeah, whatever."

"Jealous?"

"Pfft, _hell_ no!"

"Liar!"

"Cockroach!"

"Monkey!"

Kougaiji let out a disgusted sigh as the fighting began again. Dokugakuji glanced over and chuckled.

"You haven't got used to that yet?"

"Just because I've gotten used to it doesn't mean I have to enjoy it," Kougaiji muttered.

"Hmm. I suppose."

Kougaiji glanced over at the clock, looked back, and then glanced over again. "Shit. Is it that time already?"

"What?" said Dokugakuji. "You gotta leave?"

"Yeah, I have to go to work tomorrow."

"Ah," was the sympathetic reply. "Too bad."

"Whaaaaat?" pouted Goku, magically appearing next to them. "Kou's gotta leave?"

"Yeah. Sorry. Look, I'll leave my cell phone on if you want to call me tomorrow, ok?"

"It's not the same," muttered Goku.

"Tch," said Sanzo. "It's not like he's moving or something. You can always go visit him."

Goku's face lit up. "Hey, you're right! Yay!"

"Damn it, Sanzo. You know I hate having visitors, and besides, Goku'll eat me out of house and home."

"Not my problem now," was Sanzo's smug answer.

"Eh, damn you, Sanzo…"

"Bye, Kou!" Goku waved.

"See ya!" added Gojyo.

"Good-bye, Kougaiji," said Hakkai.

Sanzo shot him a smirk which Kougaiji accepted with a double strength glare.

"See you around, Kougaiji." Dokugakuji grinned.

"Yeah, see you." Kougaiji turned quickly and strode out the door, hiding the slight blush on his cheeks. What the hell was wrong with him? He shouldn't be feeling this…


	3. Chapter 3

Wow. Uh. So. It's been awhile.

Ok, seriously, I'm SO sorry updates have been so sporadic. This story is still going! I promise! And THANK YOU to anyone who's read this story, and invisible cookies to everyone whose reviewed!

No, not one for you. You didn't review. Bad you. Yeah, you know who I'm talking about, sitting so innocently in front of your computer. I'm watching you.

Please, stick with this story! I am working on it, although I have no idea when it will be done. In this chapter, Doku breaks into someone's house. With the help of Goku, of course.

Read and review, please! And you'll get an invisible cookie!!!

-.-

"Are you sure we should be doing this?" Doku asked nervously, glancing up and down the lushly carpeted hallway. "It feels like we're breaking in."

"But we're not," reassured Goku, turning the door handle. "Cuz we're using a key."

"Oh, yeah, that justifies it."

"It's fine. Don't worry about it." Goku pushed the door open and stepped in followed hastily by Doku. The blue haired man took a look around and let out a low whistle.

"Yeah," agreed Goku, shutting the door behind him, "he's got a pretty nice place."

"Does his job really pay that well?"

"I guess so. But the company pays for the penthouse."

"Wow. So, who does he work for?"

"Koushu Cryogenics."

Doku stopped in mid-stride, his lips parting slightly. "Oh…" _I thought he was a good guy…_

Goku glanced back at him. "What?"

Doku shook his head. "Nothing. Just surprised me he works for such a big company."

"Yeah, it is a little odd." Goku flopped onto the huge beige couch and put his feet on the oak table in front of him. "As far as I can tell, he doesn't want to work for them."

"What?"

"I dunno the details…but he seems to hate his boss. He keeps working there, though. Which is really weird, especially for Kou, because I know he doesn't do anything he doesn't want to unless he has a good reason." Goku leaned forward and grabbed an apple out of the bowl on the table before settling back and taking a huge bite. "Hey, I ain't complaining. Since he's so rich, he has tons of food!" And he happily crunched down on the shiny red apple.

What did this mean? He worked for Gyokumen Koushu – he was one of them…but he hated her? That didn't make any sense. But what if…what if she had some sort of secret precious to Kougaiji, which he could never give up, and she was holding it over his head? He could understand that. But if so…why Kougaiji? What did she see in him?

And what was his secret?

"You ok, Doku?" interrupted his reverie. He glanced over to see Goku staring at him. "You got this weird look on your face, sorta happy and worried and anxious, all at the same time. Is everything all right?"

"Huh?" Doku rubbed his face, trying to scour away his expression to a more neutral one. Damn Kougaiji's and his secrets, and damn Goku for his strange ability to read people. _And damn myself for wondering._

Making sure his face had settled into its normal appearance, Doku finally look up. "Am I ok? Hell no. We just broke into some guy's place that I've only known for a couple of weeks – "

"But you said you wanted to come! Besides, it's not that big of a deal. He won't mind." A pause. "I think."

"That's reassuring."

"Honestly though, this place kinda freaks me out."

"It does?"

"Yeah. I mean, look at it. It doesn't look…" He struggled for a word. "…lived in. You know?"

Doku did know. His quick glance around had taken in what seemed a normal penthouse, if overly clean. But a second glance, slower this time, revealed more. There was no…personal touch. No pictures of people anywhere. No paintings or portraits. No books or magazines. No empty glasses or dirty dishes. No evidence that someone lived here. Just the boring white walls and the meticulous color scheme of beige, beige, beige, with maybe a touch of tan here and there, for good measure.

Doku frowned. "Why would he live like this?"

"I don't know. Sometimes, I think he's hiding something important from us, which really irritates me. We're his friends, right? He should tell us what's wrong instead of keeping it all bottled up inside."

A nice though. But some secrets must remain secrets…

--

Think about something else. Anything else. Cupcakes. Yes. Wait, he _hated _cupcakes. Way too sugary. Sugar. Sweet. The sound of Doku's voice…

Oh, god, there he went again. How the hell he managed to come back to the subject of the golden eyed man every time he had a thought he wasn't sure, but somehow he had done so. For god's sake he had related cupcakes to him. Fuck. There was something very very wrong with him today.

Kougaiji pulled his keys out of his pocket and rested his forehead his forehead on his door. Sighing, he closed his eyes. He hated his home. There was so much space. Give him a two-room apartment any day.

But he knew Gyokumen Koushu had picked out this particular penthouse for a reason. She had her eye on him…

Wait. Did he hear voices? Turning his head he pressed his ear against the door.

" – hungry! Can't you make _something_?"

"Are you kidding me? I'm a terrible cook."

Kougaiji froze. He was here. In his house. Standing not ten feet away. Ok. Ok. Don't panic. Stay calm.

Hold on…how the hell did they get inside?

"Can't Kougaiji cook something when he gets here?"

"But he's not here _now _and I'm hungry!"

Kougaiji turned the knob and shoved the door open. "Actually," he said dryly, "I'm right here. And to whom do I owe the pleasure?"

He doesn't owe me, but he can give me pleasure if he wants, mused Doku, eyeing Kougaiji's hips as he sauntered over to them. He moved like a cat – graceful, silkily, gently – yet still managed to convey the sensation of a spring, coiled, dangerous, waiting for someone to come near him. What an odd man. And how alluring, somehow…

"Hi, Kou!" greeted Goku. "We, uh…we let ourselves in."

"I see that," was his reply as he glanced at the empty fruit bowl. "How'd you get my key?"

"Well, remember when you got really, really drunk that one time?"

"Not the details, no, but please, continue."

_I would have liked to see that_, thought Doku.

"We brought you home, and, uh, thought it would be good if I, um, had a spare key – "

"Let me get this straight. You stole my spare key from me when I was too drunk to notice? And then ran off with it?"

"Well…pretty much, yeah."

Kougaiji sighed, pulling his hand through crimson locks. "That explains a few things. Just warn me before you come over next time. Call me or something."

Goku smiled. "Ok! Hey, do you think you could make something for me to eat?"

"I'm going to take a shower first. If you're that hungry (which you probably are), then raid the fridge."

"Yay!" Springing up, Goku rushed over to the immaculately clean kitchen and opened the stainless steel fridge.

"Jackpot," the brown eyed boy crowed, pulling out something at random.

Dumping his keys on the table, Kougaiji smiled awkwardly at Doku. "Sorry."

"What for?"

"That you got coerced into accompanying Goku. Besides, my place is pretty boring. We can go out after I take a shower. And Goku eats, of course."

Doku grinned. "Of course."

Kougaiji sighed again, rubbing the back of his neck and moving off toward the bedroom, shutting the door behind him.

Doku stared at the now shut door. It was almost painful to watch him. He looked as though he had a heavy burden on his shoulder, something that was slowly crushing him. He knew he shouldn't care. He should distance himself from these people. Better for him and better for them. Yet, still, he wanted to take some of that burden, to settle it upon his own back, so this lavender eyed man could stand a little taller, smile a little brighter, laugh a little louder.

Doku laughed quietly, harshly. Who was he kidding? He couldn't even solve his own problems, let alone someone else's as well.

--

Kougaiji tipped his head back and let the water wash over him. He felt…unclean. Then again, ever since he began working for Koushu Cryogenics, he's always felt dirty, as though his soul was covered in a layer of filth.

But maybe that was the truth. He had done things, things he wasn't proud of, things that weighed heavily on his conscience. Gyokumen Koushu had complete control over him, and flaunted it in every way possible. She had made him do actions he constantly regretted. Blood was on his hands. He couldn't deny it.

And he knew, as well, that his guilt couldn't be placed entirely on the green haired witch. He hadn't made any move to stop himself. He had committed all the deeds himself. There was no point in lying. He had done things that could never be forgiven, and never would be. He had done them all for his mother.

His mother. Was she enough to truly justify these horrid acts he was committing? Then again, did it really matter? He was already testing the waters; he might as well dive all the way in. What was another lie, placed atop a mountain of them? He would see this though to the end, if only because he had nothing else left. Besides, his mother was probably the only person left on this world that still loved him.

Kougaiji gathered the broken pieces of his mask and settled it back into place. His feelings didn't matter anymore. There were only the lies and his mother, and nothing else. Nothing.

--

Doku stared at the ceiling. Kougaiji sure took his sweet time. Man, how long did it take to take a shower anyway?

Not long after this thought, however, he heard the telltale click of a door being opened and glanced at bedroom.

It took him a moment to force his eyebrows back down.

He was obviously fresh from the shower, his hair wet and plastered to his head and a few droplets of water still glistening on his body. His cheeks were lightly tinged with pink from the head of the shower. He wore only tight blue jeans, (unfortunately) zipped up. He looked different, somehow, as though that little while in the shower had changed him.

Kougaiji strode past Doku, and the blue haired man couldn't help his eyes straying across the other man's body. _Damn, nice ass._

No! He couldn't think those thoughts. It didn't matter if he was attracted to him and that tight ass. He worked for _her_. That's right. He was the enemy. Even if he was being forced, he would still do as she asked, or rather, ordered. There was no hope for it. He would have to distance himself from this mysterious and beautiful lavender eyed man.

"Are you full yet?" inquired Kougaiji, eyeing the mass of plastic wrappers and discarded containers.

"Mm-hm! It was great, thanks!" Goku leaped up, sending trash flying. "What're we gonna do now?"

Kougaiji rolled his eyes. "Whatever you want, I guess."

"Why don't we go out?" suggested Doku, getting up from his sprawled position on the couch. "Go to an arcade or something."

Kougaiji could swear that Goku had a light bulb instead of a brain inside his head, with the way his golden eyes lit up in excitement. "Ooh! I haven't been to the arcade in ages! Woo-hoo!"

"All right, all right." Kougaiji disappeared for a moment then re-materialized struggling with a shirt. Finally slipping it on, he grabbed his keys from the table. "Let's go."

"Yay! Kou's taking me to the arcade!" Goku practically skipped his way out the door.

"Everyone calls you Kou," noted Doku.

"Not everyone," disagreed Kougaiji, shutting and locking his penthouse door. "Only those I consider my friends."

"Oh. Uh…can I call you Kou?"

Kougaiji turned and raised an eyebrow. "Are you my friend?"

"Um…yes?"

"All right, then."

"Heh. Ok…Kou. And you can call me Doku."

Kougaiji smirked. "Nice to meet you, Doku."


	4. Chapter 4

Hmm. Change of plans here.

So for some inexplicable reason I thought I hadn't posted, oh, THE FIRST HALF of this chapter which I apparently did, because it's right there, and it's currently being called chapter three. Whoops. So, technically, this is part of chapter three (which is why it's so bloody short YES I KNOW IT'S SHORT) but…it's also going to be chapter four.

Ok, sorry if I just confused the heck out of you. I just wanted you to know that this chapter's short because of a stupid error on my part and not because I'm lazy. Seriously. I know you don't believe me, but that's the truth. Really. Er…mostly?

I should have the next chapter up in the coming few weeks. Probably. Although it's going to have to be before December 7 (and if you know why this is, then I have just one thing to say to you – LoZ FOREVER!).

Love for all of you!!! Please review! Oh, and just as a heads up, the next chapter will have a lemon in it. :winks:

-- (OH EM GEE LAME BREAK)

"No!" Goku howled, leaping up from the stool with mock rage and drawing several looks from the other customers. The screen flashed an impatient PLAYER 1 WINS.

Kougaiji smirked, crossing his arms and leaning back in his own stool.

Doku let out a soft whistle. "Fifth consecutive win. He's got you nailed to a wall, Goku."

"Never!" Goku declared, already digging for more coins. "One more round! Winner takes all."

Kougaiji shrugged, rolling his shoulders, the smirk dropping from his face to be replaced with a more intense look. "You're on."

Doku watched quietly as they played, unable to tear his eyes away from the red-haired wonder that was playing so intensely. If he were to use one word to describe him, it would definitely be intense. Doku had caught this side of him a few times during the short period he had known him, and, like every other aspect, he was strangely drawn to it. While normally Kougaiji attempted to maintain a calm, indifferent attitude, beneath it all he seemed to be loyal and caring, most especially of his friends. When he set his mind on something, he never faltered. It didn't matter if it was something small, like beating Goku at an arcade game – Kougaiji seemed to know his skills and limits and if he knew he was able to do something he would stop at nothing until it was done or the result was satisfactory. Certainly an antonym to his casual attitude.

Absentmindedly, Doku wondered if he would ever know all the sides of this man.

Not technically bored but undeniably tired of seeing the same crushing defeat from Kougaiji as the first five times, Doku yawned and glanced lethargically at the clock.

Goku slammed a fist against the machine as the dreaded words appeared again.

Kougaiji grinned. "Hmm. Looks like you still owe me."

Goku pouted. "Noooo…"

"Hey, guys," Doku said abruptly, standing up. "Sorry, but I have to go. This was…fun. I'll see you later."

They both watched as he left, one puzzled and the other contemplative.

"What's up with him? Why do you think he left?" muttered Goku as he turned to Kougaiji.

The lavender eyed man didn't reply, brows furrowed, a strange feeling of frustration burning in his chest.

Who was he? Why did he do what he did? And why was he so damn eager to know those things about him…?

_Will I ever know the answers to those questions?_

--

Kougaiji entered his penthouse for the second time. He shut the door, dropped his keys, and, noticing the red flashing light, froze. There was only one person who even knew the phone number to this place.

Gyokumen Koushu.

His confusion over Dokugakuji's abrupt departure was pushed aside by the dread filling him. A home call meant two things: one, she wanted him to do something she couldn't discuss at the company building, and two, she wanted it done now. He knew, instantly, he would get no sleep tonight.

Cautiously, he played the message.

"Hello, Kougaiji, darling! How was your day? Sleeping well? Eating well?"

Forming a hand into a fist, Kougaiji felt his nails dig into his palms. _Get to the point, woman._

"I heard an interesting piece of news from a little bird. It's that you're hanging out with a young man named Dokugakuji."

_What? How did she know?_

"Be a dear and kill him, won't you? I've no more need for him. Good-bye, Kougaiji darling. See you at work." Click.

Silence.

No. No. This couldn't be happening. Not now. Not ever. Why? How did she know? Why did she want him dead? Could he do it? Could he really kill him?

Why was he even thinking this?

Kougaiji's legs crumpled as though the mental argument was so heavy it caused him to weaken. His legs folded and, falling to the ground, Kougaiji hung his head, every muscle in his body slack. He looked like a puppet whose strings had been cut.

That's right. It didn't matter. It didn't matter how she knew. It didn't matter why she wanted it done. Nothing mattered but his mother, and to protect her he would do whatever it took.

Even killing someone he knew? Had he really sunk that low? Yes, he thought, answering himself. Killing a friend wasn't that very different from killing a stranger – they both had family, friends, lives that he was ripping away like a careless god of death. The only difference was that, with a friend, he knew more about their family, their other friends, their lives. And then he destroyed it.

Suddenly he halted all trains of thought, although they were crashing anyway. What was going on? He'd never had thoughts like this. And why should he? His mother was the only reason to continue living, and each and everything he did was for her.

So why was he having these doubts? He'd only known this man for a few weeks! When had he wormed his way through his inpenetrable mind, breaking down his indestructible walls and slipping through the cracks, until the blue haired man had settle inside hi mind? Why did he feel so much pain when he imagined himself killing him?

A heavy thud on his door startled him out of his reverie. Rising cautiously from his fallen position, he moved swiftly to the door and threw it open.

Taking a sharp breath, Kougaiji stared.

Doku tiredly raised his head, swaying weakly.

"Hey, Kou."

A drop of blood fell from his face to splatter on the ground.

"Too late for a visit?"

And so saying, he collapsed into a bloody, unconscious heap.


	5. Chapter 5

So it's not Dec. 7, but it's pretty damn close. Probably the closest I've ever come to meeting a deadline. XD So here it is, the lemon. I don't really like it, but I'll let you be the judge. Next chapter? Well, I have no idea…the only reason this is up is because due to unforeseen circumstances I'm not going to have Spirit Tracks in my hands until Friday :sob:. Maybe I'll post it as a Christmas present…and just like a Christmas present, you won't know until Christmas! :dodges thrown fruit and deadly glares:

On a brighter note, this chapter is really long! Over two thousand words. Plenty of lemony goodness for you, my dear reader. Please enjoy! And don't forget to review!

--

"Doku!"

Kougaiji fell to his knees and reached forward, but hesitated. Here he was, crippled and bloody and helpless, lying unconscious on his doorstep. How easy and simple it would be to kill him in any number of ways.

Was this a test? Was Gyokumen Koushu testing him? Waiting for him to disobey? Watching to see if this latest task would be completed?

He was sick of it. He was sick of Gyokumen Koushu. He was sick of his job. He was sick of his life. He was sick, sick, sick, nauseated by the stench of death coating his body and the taste of lies heavy on his tongue. When had he lost it? When had he become a numb, mindless killing machine, a slave of that witch? When had he cast away his beliefs and morals, had thrown them away like worthless burdens?

Cold he identify one point in his life? It had happened slowly, over the years, grinding and chipping until nothing was left. Even so…even as deep in this ocean he had sunk, he still wished for contact, human contact, and no secrets between them.

But was such a thing even possible now? And why was he staring at Doku with a longing in his hearts as these thoughts crossed his mind?

His hand, still poised in midair, came forward to rest on the blue-haired man's shoulder. It was too late for him. He had lived too long, seen too much, already devoted his life to his mother. But maybe…maybe he could guide this captivating soul back to the light.

Carefully he crouched in front of Doku's slumped body, pulling the other man's arms around his neck. Grunting slightly – what the hell did this guy eat? For such a skinny guy he was _heavy_ – he slung Doku over his back and staggered into his apartment, threading his way carefully through the furniture and finally dumped his unconscious body on his bed. Moving into his bathroom, he fished out some sort of disinfectant cream, bandages, and a couple of towels, pausing only to soak one of the towels with water.

He placed all these things on the nightstand and eyes Doku for a moment. Blood had already stained the sheets, not that he particularly cared. His hand came forward and hesitated, much like the scene a few minutes ago. Should he…undress him…?

Kougaiji mentally slapped himself. What the hell kind of thought was that? He had seen men naked before, so why should this be any different?

Even so, he couldn't help but let a slight blush color his cheeks as he methodically undressed Doku, gently cleaning and bandaging his wounds. Nothing was very serious – a few shallow cuts that looked like they were inflicted by a small knife and numerous bruises. He'd probably fainted from blood loss. But as Kougaiji cleaned further he revealed past signs of abuse.

Kougaiji paused as he revealed a harsh looking scar stretching down the middle of Doku's chest. He let his finger follow the path of the scar, feeling the rough texture against his own smooth skin. How did he come to have these? They weren't self inflicted, that was obvious. They must have caused him great pain…

Doku shifted, rolling over and flinging an arm. Kougaiji let out a cut off "Fu-" as Doku's arm caught him off balance. He was sitting on the bed, but Doku's random movement and extended arm pushed Kougaiji over, right next to Doku so their faces were inches apart.

Kougaiji's heart was racing and he instinctively tried to sit back, but Doku's arm had wrapped protectively around him and his half clothed body was so warm…and it would be such a shame to wake him, after all.

He sighed, knowing he was being weak and not caring.

_Please, just this once, let me be happy…_

Wordlessly, he buried his face in Doku's chest, letting the other man's slow and steady heartbeat lull him to sleep.

--

Doku woke, but not in such a pleasant or simple way. It was like clawing his way up through a substance suspiciously thicker then water. After thrashing and swimming frantically, he broke the surface –

-and, letting out a choking gasp, his eyes flew open. He gave himself a few minutes, breathing heavily, as his disoriented mind tried to figure out where the hell he was and the room stopped spinning. Gradually, as reality se in, a beige ceiling came into focus.

Beige…?

The dawning realization fled his mind as pain entered his senses like sledgehammer. A slight hiss escaped through his clenched teeth as the events of last night crashed back upon him. That's right…the last thing he remembered was…Kougaiji's doorstep?

Oh.

He was suddenly acutely aware of a warmth pressing into him.

Wait…beige walls…wounds dressed…the warmth…

The pieces slid together as he shifted his body to glance at the person lying next to him.

Ah.

Kougaiji, in his sleep, released a jumbled mumble, ending with what sounded suspiciously like "unh…Doku…". The person in comment froze as Kou moved, rolling toward him so his lips were inches away from his own, and his slim leg snaked between Doku's and pulled their hips closer.

Doku's mind instantly began trying to insert innocence into this position, but his body knew better. His pants began to get uncomfortably tight as he stared at Kougaiji's slightly parted pale pink lips. All he had to do was close that oh so small space between them to satisfy those urges that even now coursed through his body in irresistible and indefinable waves. It'd be so easy. It would be the first time in uncountable number of years he would kiss someone who deserved it…

Doku's breath quickened. Kougaiji's gentle breath made his blue hair stir slightly. It smelled like peppermint and chocolate and lilac and a thousand other scents, each more sweet and pleasing then the one before. He shouldn't be thinking these things, shouldn't be _feeling_ this but he just looked so beautiful and innocent and perfect that he couldn't help it, couldn't help these thoughts and feelings and maybe, just maybe, he wanted these feelings, wanted to know that out there in this terrible, cruel world there was still someone like him, with that sexy walk and that crimson hair and those lavender eyes and that kindness…

Aw, hell. He'd completely fallen for him. When had _that_ happened? _Guess it's too late to wonder about that now…_

It wouldn't hurt to kiss him, would it? Just a quick kiss. Besides, he was still asleep anyway.

Doku attempted to calm his racing heart, with little success. Carefully, slowly, he moved closer to the slightly shorter man, closer now, their lips brushed and he grew even harder, if that were possible, and he pressed himself closer to Kougaiji, and was just about to initiate an earth-shattering kiss –

-when he stopped.

What was he _doing_? Sure, he loved Kougaiji (as recently as he came to that conclusion…), he could come to terms with that. The man did have a nice ass. But forcing himself on him? Was he crazy? He wasn't going to alienate the only person he loved! He didn't want Kougaiji to hate him…he'd much rather have an unrequited love. Just another sad note in the diary of his life.

Suddenly he felt a hand creeping over his body and tangling in his hair. Surprised, he glanced down and met a pair of clear lavender eyes.

"Kougaiji – "

"Kiss me."

"What?"

"I know you were going to. Just…kiss me." The next words were low and soft, and, if this was not Kougaiji, pleading. "Please. I just…I can't go on like this…"

Here he was, the man of his adulation literally _begging_ to be kissed. God, he couldn't bear to see those sad eyes aching with longing. And if he was asking for it…

"All right," he replied gently. Once again, he brought his lips close to Kougaiji's and kissed him.

He'd intended it as a chaste kiss, just a small taste, but this thought was lost when, about ten seconds later, Kougaiji released a small moan into his mouth, sending the most pleasing vibrations down his throat. Finding himself moving without coherent thought, Doku forced his tongue between pink lips and explored as Kougaiji willingly submitted to his ministrations. Doku felt the hand in his hair tighten and a second hand began to creep across his bare chest and stop at his pants, the only article of clothing he had left. Doku pulled away from lack of air.

"Kou…I…"

Kougaiji swallowed, tasting Doku's unique flavor. "What?"

"I think I'm in love with you."

Kougaiji peered up at him, then laughed, a tired, worn out sound. "Love? Sure. Why not? I think I love you as well."

"R-really?"

"I'm not entirely sure…I haven't felt this since…" Well, ever. Never, not once in his life, had he felt this intense emotion. He knew he loved his mother, but this was different. It was a heat, a rush, a tightening of muscles and the exhaling of warm breath, a longing, a ball of passion in his chest that was slowly uncurling. It was more then just a feeling – it was a physical reaction, a sensation Kougaiji had never felt and wanted so badly to satisfy.

_I'm supposed to kill this man_, he remembered belatedly. It seemed rather beside the point at this time.

"I've _never_ felt this way," Kougaiji finally whispered. "You're the first, Doku. You make me more _alive_, somehow. I…I…" Kougaiji desperately clutched Doku. "I _need_ you."

Doku, incredibly aroused, didn't find it necessary to use words to respond to his declaration. Instead, he pressed his lips again to Kougaiji's, his tongue delving right in. He felt Kou's hand latch onto the edge of his pants.

They paused for a breathless minute to discard their clothing. As soon as Kougaiji had finished struggling out of his pants Doku straddled him and pushed him down, effectively pinning him. Doku pressed their hips closer, their erections brushing, before leaning down for another kiss. Kougaiji felt a surge of heat and a strange rush course through him as he kissed back. This feeling was so new, and yet so wonderful, he could hardly believe it existed. He'd never felt more alive then he did at this moment. He hoped he would never lose this.

Doku pressed his lips to Kougaiji's collarbone, gently kissing his way across his chest. One of his hands snaked down in between their bodies and ran a teasing finger down Kou's hard cock. An almost inaudible man rose from Kougaiji and he arched into Doku's touch. He paused in his exploration of the red haired man's body to hold up a tube of lube he had taken from his now discarded pants pocket.

"Can I…?"

He watched, slightly worried, as Kougaiji paled slightly but nodded firmly.

Doku pressed his lips to Kougaiji's again. "Is this your first time?"

Kougaiji blushed slightly, as though he was telling a huge secret (which, on second thought, he was). "Y-yes…"

A virgin! How cute. Somehow that just made him beautiful. "I'll be gentle, but it'll still hurt at first."

"I don't mind, as long as it's you." And this was true. Kougaiji already felt better then he had in years, and if there was any way of making it more pleasurable it was worth a little pain.

"All right. Roll over."

Kougaiji complied, burying his face in his sheets. Doku coated the first three fingers of his right hands with a generous amount of lube.

"Ready?" he whispered in Kougaiji's ear. He felt rather then saw the responding nod.

Carefully, slowly, he slid the first finger in. still, he saw Kou's fist clench the sheets and felt the subtle tightening of muscles throughout his body.

"Relax, Kou." His muscles loosened a bit, but Doku could tell he was still tense. Well, so was h, his first time.

"How does it fell?"

"Uncomfortable. Keep going."

"As you command, my prince."

"Prince…" Kougaiji murmured, then winced as Doku slid the second finger in, scissoring it to stretch tightened muscles. "Ah…"

"You ok?"

"Y-yeah…"

"Ok. Last one…"

Painstakingly, he slid the final finger in. Kougaiji took in a sharp breath and released it slowly, fists clenching, and released a small hiss as Doku carefully stretched his fingers before pulling back out.

Doku grabbed the lube again but Kou took it from him and sitting up, slathered his own hands with it. To Doku's surprise (and extreme pleasure), Kou's hands came forward and stroked his length, coating it with the slippery substance. Oh, god, it felt so good, was his only thought as Kou's hands continued his work. It's like Christmas and my birthday and Hanukkah and every great holiday banded together, and if you multiplied that by a thousand you might, _might_, come close to the feeling he was experiencing.

And it was about to get better.

Doku unwillingly pulled Kou's hands away and kissing him before pushing him back down onto the bed. They locked eyes.

I love him so much, thought Doku. I know it's love. I can tell. There's nothing on this earth I won't do for him. And that scares me a little, but not enough for me to live without this man…without my prince.

These feelings are so strong, Kougaiji mused. Almost overwhelming. How have I lived up until now without him? I would do anything for him. I trust him with my life, something I have not been able to say in ages. If this is love I never want it to end.

Kou wrapped his legs around Doku's waist.

"Ready?" Doku asked.

"Make me yours," Kougaiji breathed.

Doku leaned over and kissed him passionately. Lips still touching, he shifted his body forward.

Kougaiji let out an unintentional gasp as Doku entered him. His fingers dug into the blue-haired man's back, but Doku endured the pain without complaint. Carefully, he pushed his hips forward, sliding his cock completely into Kougaiji's body.

Dou let loose a strained moan as pain filled his senses. "It'll get better, I promise," he managed to hear Doku whisper. Doku rolled his hips out before pushing back in.

Kougaiji let out a moan of a different kind. Pleasure filled his senses, a rushing sensation that coursed through his body in sensual waves. "Doku, more…!"

Doku didn't need any more encouragement. He pulled out and slammed back in, once, twice, creating a strange frenzied rhythm. Kougaiji panted his name like a mantra, enticing Doku even further. Kou's hand reached for his own pulsing member and kept time with the metronome of pleasure.

Kougaiji climaxed first, releasing a cry and arching his back slightly as the liquid flew. Doku came soon after, biting down on Kou's collarbone to stop his own yell as his muscles contracted and he emptied his seed.

They collapsed onto the bed, panting. Doku slid himself out of Kougaiji and, staggering slightly, entered the adjoining bathroom to grab some towels. He came back to the bed and cleaned up a little, eliciting a small moan from Kougaiji when he forced him to roll over. Utterly exhausted, he crawled into bed and pulled Kou's slim, unclothed form close.

"How was it?" he murmured in his lover's ear. He chuckled as the only response he got was the measured sound of Kou's breathing, realizing he was already asleep. Burying his face in crimson hair, he decided to do the same.


	6. Chapter 6

And here we are again, this time with Kou's backstory! Ooh, so exciting!

Just so you know, I know little to nothing about cryogenics or cancer, so I apologize in advance for any technical errors in this…I tried my best!

The lullaby here is dedicated to my wonderful Schizzar, who helped pick it out and now probably has no idea what I'm talking about. Thank you anyway!

Read, review, enjoy!

--

Doku came awake grudgingly. Eyes still closed, he wondered absently where he was, and then froze as a groping hand found his face.

"Ah…Doku…you awake?"

Oh. That's where he was. Smiling, he opened his eyes and, grabbing the inquiring hand, brushed his lips across it. "I am now, my love."

Kougaiji blushed a little, a slight darkening of his cheeks, and buried his face in Doku's chest. "Did I wake you?"

"Don't worry about it."

"Sorry…"

Doku laughed, ruffling his crimson locks. "I said not to worry about it, so don't."

"Mmm…"

They both fell silent, happy to simply hold each other and be in the other's presence. If this is a dream, prayed Doku (though, to be honest, he was an atheist), let me never wake up.

"Doku…" His voice had changed. It was lower, colder, somehow more darker, as though a shadow had fallen across his soul. "We have to talk."

"We are talking," he teased, worried over his abrupt change of personality.

He was relieved when Kougaiji let out a weak laugh. "You're incorrigible."

Doku pressed a chaste kiss to the top of his head. "I know."

"Just know, Doku, that I love you, and nothing I say or do will ever change that."

Doku felt worry once again begin to gnaw at his insides. "I know. I love you as well."

"Doku…I'm supposed to kill you."

"What?"

"I…I work for Gyokumen Koushu, for Koushu Cryogenics."

"I know."

Instead of sounding surprised, Kougaiji's voice was low, resigned. "You do?"

"Yeah. Goku told me. But he also said that you didn't seem to like working for her."

Kougaiji was silent for a prolonged moment. "He really notices things, doesn't he? Yes, I hate working for her…but I have to."

Doku felt his heart skip a beat. So, one of his theories was correct. But why…?

"My mother has cancer. She knew, but didn't tell me or accept treatment because she didn't want to worry me or be a burden. Stupid, isn't it? She was shortening her life just to make mine a little happier. But then again, she was always like that, helping others and ignoring her own pain. No one could ask for a better mother…" He stopped for a second as a shudder racked his body. Doku felt his body shake and pulled the smaller man closer.

After a few minutes, Kougaiji inhaled deeply and continued. "One day it just became to be too much, even for her. I rushed her to the hospital, but it was too late for surgery or treatment. They could only put her on life support and keep her alive for a few days. And that's…that's when she approached me." That voice was back. It sent shivers up Doku's spine. It was so…unearthly.

"Gyokumen Koushu. She offered me a deal – she would put my mother in a cryogenic chamber to preserve her until a cure could be found, if I agreed to work for her."

"But…" interrupted Doku. "I heard cryogenics was highly experimental."

"Yes. You're right. But there was no other option to save her, and I _had_ to save her. I'm utterly devoted to her. I don't think you will ever understand…"

Doku felt Kou's body shifting to find a more comfortable position. /You're wrong,/ Doku silently disagreed. /I understand perfectly what you felt./

"So, with little hesitation, I agreed. If only I'd known what this 'work' entailed…" Kougaiji was quiet, then sighed. "No, even if I'd known what I was getting myself into, I'd still have agreed. There was no other option. I couldn't have lived with myself if she died…" His voice cracked, and the rest of his words were delivered in a choked, dead-sounding whisper. "So I took the job. I have an office and work there during the day, but at night…I kill people. Enemies of her company, people she's angry with, specimens, sometimes even innocent civilians…I've killed them all. And I've done worse…" He finally broke down completely and began to cry silently. Doku felt some of the tears trickle down his cheek as Kougaiji was pressing his face into him.

"Kou…"

"I'm disgusting, aren't I?" he choked out. "But I can't stop. I _won't_ stop, if it means saving my mother. Isn't that horrible?"

"Kou…" Doku repeated more firmly. "Look at me."

Kougaiji shook his head like a petulant child. "If I look at you, I'll see your horrified face, and I can't bear it…I can't…" he whispered.

Doku tightened his grip on the red haried man, pressing his lips lightly against the top of his head. "Relax. I love you. Nothing can change that. So, please, just look at me."

Hesitantly, Kougaiji raised his head to reveal flushed cheeks and red-rimmed eyes. Kou flinched a little as Doku carefully wiped the tears off of Kougaiji's face. "Don't worry, Kou. I still love you more than anything. And…I forgive you."

Kougaiji smiled weakly. "I don't deserve your forgiveness, but it's too nice to pass up. Thank you."

Doku kissed his forehead. "Of course." Then he began to sing softly.

Baby mine, don't you cry

Baby mine, dry your eyes

Res your head close to my heart

Never to part, baby of mine

"Cheater," whispered Kougaiji sleepily. Already his eyes felt heavy. The comfortable warmth of acceptance coupled with Doku's voice made him feel secure and tired, emotionally as well as physically.

Doku chuckled sympathetically, knowing full well the intoxicating effect his singing had on his red haired lover.

If they knew sweet little you

They'd end up loving you too

All those same people who scold you

What they'd give just for

The chance to hold you

The bluenette smiled a bit when he realized Kougaiji was fast asleep. He sighed and, burying face into Kou's crimson hair, took a deep breath.

Ah, he smelled so wonderful. Not like he imagined, but somehow better. The stale smell of sweat and sex still lingered, heady and lust-filled. Yet underneath was his true scent, an inexpressible smell of flowers and chocolate and essence and, yes, the scent of blood, sharp and metallic and almost unnoticeable. It was so perfect and so unlike anything else on the earth.

/How could Kougaiji think, for even just a single instant, that I wouldn't forgive him? There is nothing he could do that would make me love him less. Even if he takes my glass heart and casts it upon the cold ground, I would pick up the shattered pieces and offer them to him even as the blood dripped off my shaking fingertips./

/We are both monsters. We are both caught in a never ending cycle of hate and despair that, try as we might, we can never escape. We _are_ we going to do? I love Kou, but I can't lie to myself. This relationship will never work. I'm supposed to be dead. I should be dead. Honestly, it's a miracle I'm still alive. How much longer can we survive in this fragile fantasy?/

Doku sighed and closed his eyes. /At this point, I don't care. I'll worry about it later. Right now, let me enjoy my precious time with my Prince, for I fear it may not last long./ Inexorably, his exhausted mind and sore body drew him back into sleep.


	7. Chapter 7

OMG new chapter! Trust me, I'm as excited as you are :D

This is kind of a break from the main storyline. I hope you enjoy it nonetheless. A little bit of lighthearted Goku x Sanzo before the angst rolls in…

Enjoy! AND REVIEW PLEASE!

-.-

_Vnn. Vnn._

Doku heard the noise. Puzzled, he listened quietly as it continued.

It was a cell phone vibrating, he realized abruptly. His cell phone was turned off, so what…?

Beside him, Kougaiji let out a small sigh and rolled over, taking half of the blanket with him.

Ah. Must be his, then.

Quietly, Doku snuck out from between the covers, careful not to wake the sleeping Kou. He padded across the carpeted floor, shivering a little as the cool air hit his skin. He found Kou's pants and patiently searched the pockets as the phone continued its humming.

_Vnn. Vnn._

Finally finding the sleek silver device, he flipped it open and held it up to his ear. "Hello?"

"Kou! Hey! I've been trying to reach you for _hours _–" Doku instantly realized it was Goku, from his perky attitude and way of slowly speeding up as he talked. "- but you didn't answer which I thought was weird because you _always_ answer well except for that one time when you didn't answer but I thought that was kind of a fluke you know a one time thing although I guess you can't be around your cell phone all the times I mean that'd be impossible –"

"Goku!" Doku interrupted, slightly impressed at the brunette's lack of punctuation. "It's Doku."

"What?"

"It's Doku. I answered Kou's phone for him."

There was a puzzled silence from the other end. "Doku?"

"Yeah?"

"Why'd you answer Kou's phone?"

"Ah…um…he was sleeping and I didn't want to wake him…" God, he couldn't come up with a lie to save his life. He didn't mind lying, but he just couldn't do it.

"So, you're at his house then?"

"Yes, I am."

"So…you had a sleepover!" Goku's confused tone turned to cheerful as he put a reasonable explanation to this new mystery.

"Um…yeah, you could put it that way."

"That's cool! I _love_ sleepovers! But you could've at least told us what you were before blowing us off!"

"What?"

"What d'ya mean, what? We were supposed to meet hours ago! Sheesh…"

Doku glanced over at the LED clock perched on the small dresser next to Kougaiji's bed. "6:30?"

"Yeah. Duh. What were you two doing anyway?"

"Um…nothing, Goku. Listen, I'm sorry, ok? We were busy and we didn't realize what time it was."

"Hey, no problem. You need to chill sometimes. It's no big deal. We can practice tomorrow, ok?"

"Oh…ok." /If there is a tomorrow for me,/ he added silently. "Why were you trying to call Kou?"

"Yaone wanted to talk to him."

"Yaone?"

"His secretary, ya know?"

Now that Goku mentioned it, he did remembered hearing the name once or twice in passing. "What did she want from him?"

"Dunno. She sounded all panicked and stuff. Something about her boss being angry, I think. She tried to call Kou on his phone but he didn't answer. So she called me to ask if I had heard from Kou, but obviously I haven't. I've been trying to reach him ever since. When he wakes up, tell him to call Yaone, k?"

"Of course." Though he kept his voice calm, his mind was racing. Gyokumen Koushu angry? Why? It was Saturday, Kou didn't have to go to work, so what…?

Wait! What had he said? "I'm supposed to kill you." That must be it. Gyokumen Koushu must be angry Kou hadn't contacted her after the kill.

Doku's grip on the phone tightened. What the hell were they going to do?

"Hey! What the –" The sounds of scuffle ensued before a new voice came on.

"How's it _hanging_, Doku?"

Doku blushed, glad Gojyo couldn't see his face. "Gojyo!"

"You expect me to believe that you actually had a 'sleepover'? Ha! You banged him, didn't you?"

"Hakkai," he heard Goku question, "what does 'bang' mean?"

"Well, Goku, when a man and another man love each other very much they begin to, ah, wrestle…"

"It's none of your business, Gojyo."

"Of course it isn't! That's why I wanna know!"

"You know I'm not going to tell you, so why bother asking?"

"Oh, I already know you did. You've got that contented, after sex tone in your voice that I know oh so well. So how was it? Good? Kinky, maybe? Ooh, bet you liked that, didn't you?"

"What do you want?" Doku asked, exasperated.

"Nothing, really. Just wanted to congratulate the two of you for getting together and Kou for not being a virgin anymore."

"How'd you know he was a virgin?"

"Heh, you said _was_."

"Damn it…"

"Give me the phone, you idiot," said Sanzo's voice in the background.

"Doku."

"Hey Sanzo."

"Be careful with him."

"What?"

A slight static filled the phone for a few moments, which was Sanzo exhaling slowly while he smoked. "You heard me."

"Yeah, but what-?"

"I think what the enigmatic Sanzo means," Hakkai cut in smoothly, "is that Kougaiji is, although you may not realize it, a man heavily influenced by his feelings. He attempts to distance himself from others because he knows this and never wants to hurt anyone close to him. You have to realize Kougaiji has never had a romantic relationship before, so the closeness in mind and body might confuse him or even frighten him. You have to judge his emotions and act accordingly if you're going to be with him."

"I see…" And he did. He tried to hide it, but Kou depended more on his friends then he did anyone else. If they ever betrayed him in any way, he would be crushed.

And now that applied to him as well.

Doku suddenly felt a little nervous.

"That is not to say, of course," continued Hakkai cheerily, "that he cannot have a relationship. Once he opens up, he's quite interesting. As I'm sure you already know," he added.

"Yeah."

"I assume we will not see you today?"

"Um…" Doku glanced over at the still sleeping man. "If that's ok with you."

"Of course."

The phone was claimed by Goku. He was strangely silent.

"You love Kou?"

"Huh? Yeah, I do."

"I mean, you _really_ love Kou?"

Doku glanced over once again. He laughed, a slightly strangled sound with a strange mix of joy and desperation. "Yes, Goku, I really love him."

"What's it like? To be in love, I mean?"

"Sanzo's giving you a weird look, isn't he."

"How'd you know?"

Doku laughed. "That's love, Goku."

"What?"

"Ok, Goku. Repeat after me."

"Will this help me understand what love is?"

"Yes. Yes, it will."

"Ok then."

"I want."

"I want," came the echo.

"Sanzo."

"Sanzo." A slightly puzzled tone entered his voice, but Doku plowed on resolutely.

"To ravish me."

"To…ravish me…"

"Long into the night."

"Long…into the night." Goku stopped, obviously confused. Behind him, Gojyo dissolved into howling fits of laughter.

"I don't understand how that helped. Sanzo's still starin' at me funny. It's kind of…" He trailed off almost cautiously.

"Arousing?"

"N-no! …maybe…" Goku let out a heavy sigh. "What does it matter?"

"Now, Goku, say-"

"Damn it! What kind of lies are you feeding my monkey?" hissed Sanzo, who had stolen the phone back.

"Your monkey, huh?"

"Answer the question."

"Don't bullshit me, Sanzo."

"What?"

"Just because you have commitment issues doesn't mean everyone does. Everyone knows you love Goku, but you're too afraid of getting hurt. Get over it, Sanzo. Everyone has a fear of rejection. That's only natural. But unlike you, we don't let it get to us. We don't let it affect us so much that we deny our true feelings. I'm not telling any lies to Goku. You're just lying to yourself, and I'm sick of it."

"That…was so inspirational, Doku," Gojyo said, sounding teary eyed.

"A truer speech I have yet to hear," Hakkai commented amiably.

"Wh-wha…?"

"You were on speaker phone since you started your speech, you revolutionary," Gojyo cut in.

"I hate you guys sometimes."

"Do you really feel that way about me, Sanzo?" Goku asked, a plaintive sound weaving through his question.

"I…damn it…I don't have to answer that!" The blonde sounded shaken.

/At least I got through to him. I wish I was there so I could see this. Ah well, this is better then nothing./

"Answer the poor boy, Sanzo," Hakkai said gently.

Doku imagined Goku staring up at Sanzo with those liquid chocolate eyes which few could resist, let alone Sanzo, and Sanzo meeting his gaze (a bad decision) and crumbling as Goku worked whatever magic he had over the purple eyed man and, finally, Sanzo completely giving in to Goku's silent plea and glancing away even as he answered –

"Yes, damn you!" The words practically exploded from Sanzo, like water breaking over a dam that had stood for far too long.

"Yes…?" prompted Goku softly, as though he were afraid to break this fragile thing.

"I love you…" This time it was a hushed whisper, as though his mind couldn't comprehend what his mouth was saying.

"Gah!" This was accompanied by the sound of something heavy hitting the ground and Goku's yell of "I love you too Sanzo!"

"See?" offered Doku. "That wasn't so bad, was it?"

"Ah, they're making out. They can't hear a thing we say."

"As much as I approve of sex in a park –"

"Fine!" growled Sanzo. "We'll be in my apartment."

"Thanks, Doku," said Gojyo. "Now we have to watch them being horny all the time."

"It's for the best, though," put in Hakkai.

"Yes," agreed a voice behind him as a pair of tan arms slid around his waist. "I never knew you were such a good matchmaker."

"You're awake."

"Mmm…" Kougaiji let his naked body brush Doku's, which was making him comfortably tense.

"Ah…careful, Kou. That's doing weird things to me."

"I know," Kougaiji purred.

"Yaone called," Hakkai threw in quickly. "You should probably call her back before you get, ah, distracted."

"Mmm," replied Kou, attacking Doku's exposed neck. Doku shivered as sensation uncurled itself from his stomach, yawned, and began arching its way through his body.

"I'll just leave you two, then," Hakkai said cheerily. "Good-bye."

"Yeah. See – ah…"

"Bye," Kougaiji breathed, taking the phone from Doku's hand and shutting it before letting it fall to the ground.

"Are you really that eager?" the bluenette asked, a little surprised but happy nonetheless.

"Normally, no. But something about you…" And here Kougaiji took a deep breath. "Uhn, God, you smell so good."

"Kou…we have to talk."

"Mmm? About what?"

Doku turned around and caught Kou's wrists in his hands. Lavender eyes lifted and Doku met that steely gaze. "About us. About what we're going to do. About Gyokumen Koushu. And…

"About myself."


End file.
